Sitting in that chair, I can only look at her.
Her face is full of Jesus as she leans right into my heart and says I can do it.
"YOU CAN DO IT."
Touches that spot that still makes me squirm.
The spot that needs.
Needs encouragement.
Needs someone brave enough to come and blow right into these sails. Sagging. Already.
"YOU CAN DO IT."
And I've been saying those words to myself over and over again.
"YOU CAN DO IT."
Did David say those words before he met his Goliath? Did Joshua say them before battle? Did...Jesus?
Friends, I need your prayers.
Need them.
Squirming, but asking.
That I would obey Him in the absolutely impossible.
Grateful for your encouragement.
And Jesus in your words to me.
Bernadette
listening
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
A Prayer Request
Jesus, we sit at Your feet today.
Just wrapping our arms around Your legs.
Clinging with all our strength.
Resting these broken hearts on You.
Wiping our tears on Your cloak.
As you stroke our hair.
This is another hard loss, Lord.
I can't see the screen for crying.
Did not want to rise from the bed.
How does a mama lose another child?
In less than a year?
And how can I reach to comfort her?
Her family?
Thank You, Jesus, that You are close to the broken hearted.
Thank You that You use EVERYTHING.
Nothing wasted.
Nothing.
We just fall down into You.
Our only hope.
Lord, have mercy.
Please pray for this dear family and my beloved friends,
Bernadette
Just wrapping our arms around Your legs.
Clinging with all our strength.
Resting these broken hearts on You.
Wiping our tears on Your cloak.
As you stroke our hair.
This is another hard loss, Lord.
I can't see the screen for crying.
Did not want to rise from the bed.
How does a mama lose another child?
In less than a year?
And how can I reach to comfort her?
Her family?
Thank You, Jesus, that You are close to the broken hearted.
Thank You that You use EVERYTHING.
Nothing wasted.
Nothing.
We just fall down into You.
Our only hope.
Lord, have mercy.
Please pray for this dear family and my beloved friends,
Bernadette
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
MMMM The Word
Your breath on my face.
Reminding me.
Always.
Of Your love.
Of Your presence here.
And You smell like honey as I read that holy scroll.
Taste your goodness.
Your best-ness.
Your calling us all on up higher like that.
Love so fiery I have to close my eyes sometimes.
Just to remain here in the shadow of Who You are.
I will need that new body, Jesus.
To stand before You face to face.
To look in the eyes of Grace.
Less I melt.
Into You,
Bernadette
Reminding me.
Always.
Of Your love.
Of Your presence here.
And You smell like honey as I read that holy scroll.
Taste your goodness.
Your best-ness.
Your calling us all on up higher like that.
Love so fiery I have to close my eyes sometimes.
Just to remain here in the shadow of Who You are.
I will need that new body, Jesus.
To stand before You face to face.
To look in the eyes of Grace.
Less I melt.
Into You,
Bernadette
Monday, July 18, 2011
LAKE TALES: LESSONS ON THE WATER
"Hit It"- What a water skier says to the driver of the boat when ready to get up out of the water.
Full Throttle- Full steam ahead, baby!
My Shoulders encourages me to try water skiing, and I look at him like he's crazy.
I've had so many problems with my back over the years, that I have gradually given up sports. Running. Ice Skating. Snow Skiing. Basketball. Sport after sport, loss after loss, and I know it seems silly, but it's been sad for me. Hard. For me. And for my family. I'm grateful for grace filled kids who have surrounded me with love and protection. Not letting me lift. Not letting me do too much. Fearing I will hurt. Precious souls. How my back issues have been such a part of our family. A burden. A cross.
The Shoulders asks again. Kids watch my face, holding their breath. Hoping. Praying. "Do you want to go?". My fear starts to strangle, but how do I answer?
By getting into the water.
Struggling into the skis and thrashing for the rope. Hope. Blinking back tears of embarrassment as the children watch me. Have they ever known me strong? Do they remember? Soundless, at first, everyone fighting fear for me, then a grand eruption of all this youthful encouragement from the lips of these trembling believers. "You've got this, Mom. You can do it! Be strong, Mom, and don't let go of the rope. Bend your knees and keep your skis together. I'm so proud of you, Mom! You ROCK! YEA!" From the boat to me...I am struck down by all their hope. That I would try this thing. And mean it. That I would risk injury. Again.
When did this become about so much more than just water skiing?
And, boom. Here comes the lesson.
I float on my back having an absolute fit of hysterical laughter. Raising the roof right there in the water...shrieking this crazy fit of joy up and to the clouds. I hear Sarah say to her dad, "Just let her have it out, Dad.". And I do. Laughing and laughing...abs so cramped that I lay in the water thanking God for this life jacket. Drowning in joy.
My water skis were at a 90 degree angle from the back of the boat. I kept trying to bring them around, but I'm so weak now, that I was having a hard time getting just that simple task accomplished. HE says:
"My strength is made perfect in your weakness."
Shouting aloud to myself, I suppose, I say, "I want to go THAT way! How can I go the RIGHT way when I'm pointed in the WRONG direction?". I know we are talking about this assignment He has given me, and HE says:
" And why do you keep saying "yes" but living "no"?
"Oh, God, how can I say, "HIT IT!", when I don't have the strength, and my pride reveals itself in fear as deep as this lake, and I know I'm going to fail? How can I risk injury? Again. And why do You keep captaining this boat and waiting for me? Are you sure I've not disqualified myself? Perhaps somebody else? Couldn't You just hit it anyway? What do You want with me, anyway? Aren't You the God of the universe anyway?"
I think these things as I lay on my back in the water. A bobbing doubting Thomas. Doubting that the Man Who hung on that tree. Really. REALLY. Wants. Me.
"Are you going to bobb or do the job?"
Well... wouldn't that make you laugh?
Suddenly, getting up out of the water, ON TOP OF THE WATER, is more important to me than anything in the whole world. I want to prove myself to the Lord, and that makes me laugh too. I want my yes to be yes. I want my life to be "YES, LORD!" He has orchestrated the whole exercise, and that is the reason I can't stop laughing. This God of ours is so very good to His kids. His kindness leads us to repentance, and I love the way He loves.
Do the hard thing. Let your life, all your life, say, "YES! " and "HIT IT!" to God.
Expect full throttle now, and don't let go of the rope!
Bernadette
Full Throttle- Full steam ahead, baby!
My Shoulders encourages me to try water skiing, and I look at him like he's crazy.
I've had so many problems with my back over the years, that I have gradually given up sports. Running. Ice Skating. Snow Skiing. Basketball. Sport after sport, loss after loss, and I know it seems silly, but it's been sad for me. Hard. For me. And for my family. I'm grateful for grace filled kids who have surrounded me with love and protection. Not letting me lift. Not letting me do too much. Fearing I will hurt. Precious souls. How my back issues have been such a part of our family. A burden. A cross.
The Shoulders asks again. Kids watch my face, holding their breath. Hoping. Praying. "Do you want to go?". My fear starts to strangle, but how do I answer?
By getting into the water.
Struggling into the skis and thrashing for the rope. Hope. Blinking back tears of embarrassment as the children watch me. Have they ever known me strong? Do they remember? Soundless, at first, everyone fighting fear for me, then a grand eruption of all this youthful encouragement from the lips of these trembling believers. "You've got this, Mom. You can do it! Be strong, Mom, and don't let go of the rope. Bend your knees and keep your skis together. I'm so proud of you, Mom! You ROCK! YEA!" From the boat to me...I am struck down by all their hope. That I would try this thing. And mean it. That I would risk injury. Again.
When did this become about so much more than just water skiing?
And, boom. Here comes the lesson.
I float on my back having an absolute fit of hysterical laughter. Raising the roof right there in the water...shrieking this crazy fit of joy up and to the clouds. I hear Sarah say to her dad, "Just let her have it out, Dad.". And I do. Laughing and laughing...abs so cramped that I lay in the water thanking God for this life jacket. Drowning in joy.
My water skis were at a 90 degree angle from the back of the boat. I kept trying to bring them around, but I'm so weak now, that I was having a hard time getting just that simple task accomplished. HE says:
"My strength is made perfect in your weakness."
Shouting aloud to myself, I suppose, I say, "I want to go THAT way! How can I go the RIGHT way when I'm pointed in the WRONG direction?". I know we are talking about this assignment He has given me, and HE says:
" And why do you keep saying "yes" but living "no"?
"Oh, God, how can I say, "HIT IT!", when I don't have the strength, and my pride reveals itself in fear as deep as this lake, and I know I'm going to fail? How can I risk injury? Again. And why do You keep captaining this boat and waiting for me? Are you sure I've not disqualified myself? Perhaps somebody else? Couldn't You just hit it anyway? What do You want with me, anyway? Aren't You the God of the universe anyway?"
I think these things as I lay on my back in the water. A bobbing doubting Thomas. Doubting that the Man Who hung on that tree. Really. REALLY. Wants. Me.
"Are you going to bobb or do the job?"
Well... wouldn't that make you laugh?
Suddenly, getting up out of the water, ON TOP OF THE WATER, is more important to me than anything in the whole world. I want to prove myself to the Lord, and that makes me laugh too. I want my yes to be yes. I want my life to be "YES, LORD!" He has orchestrated the whole exercise, and that is the reason I can't stop laughing. This God of ours is so very good to His kids. His kindness leads us to repentance, and I love the way He loves.
Do the hard thing. Let your life, all your life, say, "YES! " and "HIT IT!" to God.
Expect full throttle now, and don't let go of the rope!
Bernadette
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Lake Tales: Thankful For...
Kids making shadow puppets on the tent canvas to hissing propane.
Their laughter. Warming me.
Sipping camping coffee. Drinking in sun rising, new mercies, on the water.
Daniel laughing hysterically at being slammed by waves on rough water. Soaked to the funny bone and growing to full manhood in just the last six months.
Heart breaking pride and joy. This boy.
Sarah's arms opened wide in the bow of the boat.
Golden fired lake in mountained cup, our boat, a floating lump of sugared sweetness. Slow rest.
That dog and how all the kids love her so...
The Strong Soft's pony tailed water ski.
The lessons Jesus is teaching me. Us.
The Beauties Asleep. Full Red Lips Breathing Dreams. Sun Freckled cheeks under the canopy of their dark lashes.
The Kind and Compassionate challenging Boy Blue to manhood.
Night cruise and the best place to dream those big dreams. So deeply still.
Intimate times with the Lord. Unhurried times. In the Word.
His grace and the precious gift of rest.
The way my Shoulder's smiles at me.
His exuberance at skiing on one ski.
His challenge to me. My acceptance. Me getting up on the water.
Not giving up.
Years of fear...Oh, Lord, here we go!
Cauliflower Clouds.
Laying down on down. Head still rocking on pillowed comfort.
Banana Grahams and more Banana Grahams
Missing One. My Soldier Son. Joshua.
Waking up at 2 AM to pray for him under lofty moon. Sitting lake side in all that quiet wearing his sweatshirt. Trying to feel close in the far away.
Happy Kids To Snack Extraordinaire. "Mom, You are the BEST!"
Falling Asleep Holding Hands with the Husband of my Youth.
Him getting ice cream and wearing his shirt unbuttoned all week.
Still strong. Still muscular. Still the one I love.
Him reading to us at night. Deep voice lulling my sun fired skin to more dreams.
Kitten curled up under his feet in the boat. Sound asleep from the day's fun.
The healing warmth of the Son.
His love for this family.
Our love for Him.
That Box of Bibles on the Front Seat.
The Salvation that Rescues. Saves. And Holds.
Thank You for all this, Jesus.
For this place of family restored to relationship.
Outside all the dreaded rush.
For You,
Bernadette
Their laughter. Warming me.
Sipping camping coffee. Drinking in sun rising, new mercies, on the water.
Daniel laughing hysterically at being slammed by waves on rough water. Soaked to the funny bone and growing to full manhood in just the last six months.
Heart breaking pride and joy. This boy.
Sarah's arms opened wide in the bow of the boat.
Golden fired lake in mountained cup, our boat, a floating lump of sugared sweetness. Slow rest.
That dog and how all the kids love her so...
The Strong Soft's pony tailed water ski.
The lessons Jesus is teaching me. Us.
The Beauties Asleep. Full Red Lips Breathing Dreams. Sun Freckled cheeks under the canopy of their dark lashes.
The Kind and Compassionate challenging Boy Blue to manhood.
Night cruise and the best place to dream those big dreams. So deeply still.
Intimate times with the Lord. Unhurried times. In the Word.
His grace and the precious gift of rest.
The way my Shoulder's smiles at me.
His exuberance at skiing on one ski.
His challenge to me. My acceptance. Me getting up on the water.
Not giving up.
Years of fear...Oh, Lord, here we go!
Cauliflower Clouds.
Laying down on down. Head still rocking on pillowed comfort.
Banana Grahams and more Banana Grahams
Missing One. My Soldier Son. Joshua.
Waking up at 2 AM to pray for him under lofty moon. Sitting lake side in all that quiet wearing his sweatshirt. Trying to feel close in the far away.
Happy Kids To Snack Extraordinaire. "Mom, You are the BEST!"
Falling Asleep Holding Hands with the Husband of my Youth.
Him getting ice cream and wearing his shirt unbuttoned all week.
Still strong. Still muscular. Still the one I love.
Him reading to us at night. Deep voice lulling my sun fired skin to more dreams.
Kitten curled up under his feet in the boat. Sound asleep from the day's fun.
The healing warmth of the Son.
His love for this family.
Our love for Him.
That Box of Bibles on the Front Seat.
The Salvation that Rescues. Saves. And Holds.
Thank You for all this, Jesus.
For this place of family restored to relationship.
Outside all the dreaded rush.
For You,
Bernadette
Saturday, July 9, 2011
To A Bit Of Rest
Getting ready to pull out for that long awaited and much needed vacation. I will find my Shoulders again there, and lose myself in his deep rest and the creases around his eyes when he smiles. I'll meet my children where water drops drip down skin. Sun kissed brown. To hang like jellied diamonds off their eye lashes.
The Lake.
Fired skin. Cool water soothing every ruffled feather...making me laugh out loud. Dog sitting at my feet, needing that touch. Always. Night cruise to the kids singing and dancing in the boat; the Shoulders and I smiling at each other. This is peace for us. Everyone engaged. Everyone happy. It's a rest. A respite from all this work and sweat, tears and blood. A blessing for all those nights tangled in sheets of prayers for all these children. To see them so full of joy.
To refresh and renew. To build and to find. To make s'mores and memories.
To the lake,
Bernadette
The Lake.
Fired skin. Cool water soothing every ruffled feather...making me laugh out loud. Dog sitting at my feet, needing that touch. Always. Night cruise to the kids singing and dancing in the boat; the Shoulders and I smiling at each other. This is peace for us. Everyone engaged. Everyone happy. It's a rest. A respite from all this work and sweat, tears and blood. A blessing for all those nights tangled in sheets of prayers for all these children. To see them so full of joy.
To refresh and renew. To build and to find. To make s'mores and memories.
To the lake,
Bernadette
Friday, July 8, 2011
Freedom Family
Freedom fellowship last night in our living room. Living. Circle of kids and these dear friends that color in family for me. Cold compress in revival songs raising the roof with that joyful noise and all these bare legged kids sitting cross legged on the wood floor. White Man Walking strums peace before his soles walk out the door again. To Tanzania and its souls. Hungry. Kind and Compassionate bangs out power on the ca-hone. Head bobbing the fast songs. Resting between his knees during the slow. When did my son learn to worship God? Why this great privilege, Lord? Your blessings are abundant. My heart slows low. And good. And full of You. Jesus.
And all that is left is to say thank You. Thank You for this night, for all these kids building a throne of praise for You. Thank you for the gift of worship. The gift of friends. A new friend who belongs to us already somehow. My family.
Freedom,
Bernadette
And all that is left is to say thank You. Thank You for this night, for all these kids building a throne of praise for You. Thank you for the gift of worship. The gift of friends. A new friend who belongs to us already somehow. My family.
Freedom,
Bernadette
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