I told her that I couldn't bear to hear it again.
That word scratched so deep in my heart.
Scar.
Phony.
I decided that I was going to write about it.
Because I've grown old carrying that word on my back.
Heavy.
Phony.
How I've heard it from my brother, my friends, my students, my son.
How I feel it going unsaid on a face recoiled.
Ugly.
Phony.
The way I have cried out to God to make me authentic.
So I wouldn't have to hear it again.
Over.
Phony.
Makes me want to hide myself away somewhere.
Where I can't hurt anyone.
Pain.
Phony.
And makes me wonder. Again. Again.
What makes me fake.
Strange.
Phony.
And why that word keeps coming back on me.
What kind of girl lives like that for 43 years?
Decades.
Phony.
When I see beauty in people all around me.
When I see the gift they are to the world.
Amazing.
Phony.
And I try to let them know.
That they are a gift to me.
Priceless, Precious.
Phony.
How sometimes that makes folks snarl a bit.
To be seen can be frightening.
Terrifying.
Phony.
And I try to hold on to that.
That fear is phony.
Phony Terrorist.
Perfect love casts out fear.
Jesus, please help us all to live more authentic lives.
Bernadette
Satan is the accuser of the brethren Bernadette. He makes us all question our authenticity. Christians cannot live sin less but we must all learn to confess our sin & pray for each other. God is faithful to forgive us & cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I think confession is the perfect remedy for Satan's accusations. We trust in God's unfailing love & mercy. Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia
ReplyDeleteAhhh...just so wonderful to hear from fellow Believers who experience things like this sometimes. I am grateful for your words. Thank you for taking the time to walk along with me.
ReplyDeleteBernadette
Do you know, Friend, that of all the words I'd use to describe you, I'd never in a million years use "phony"? I felt your heart beating strong and sure right from the first moment I read your words, a stranger and yet a sister. I knew it then that you were speaking truth and light and hope. You were speaking Him. There's no phony in that, Dear One. You are beautiful and transparent and persistent and compassionate. A lover of Jesus, Truth, Light. You have loved me well, inspired me to keep breathing in and out even when it hurts. You are a true friend and I love you deeply. Let *that* sink in, brand your heart right through with Love.
ReplyDelete