FOR

Thankful

For the closeness I feel in this family these days.
For the very heat of summer.
For days at the lake that heal us up.
For our conversation circle full of bed heads and camping coffee.
For the sun setting over the water, and the Son rising up within me.
For prayer time alone.
For communion with Him.
For prayer with Re, my tears falling on her bed, and her...as always, catching them.
For this new way of doing life together.
For my blue scarf girl and all my thoughts of her.  Never far.
For Bliss.
For her lovely face on that pillow, and the way she always runs her hands through her hair.
For the one who bought my kids zebra gum and who...saved my life when Daniel was a babe.
For the struggle.
For the joy of the struggle.
For T...just for her, Lord.
For the way the leaves dance on the evening breeze.
For string music.
For the sound of worship in this home.
For Sarahgirl leading them on, and including the younger two.
For the sound of her voice lifting the roof when she doesn't think anyone is listening.
For the way she pursues Christ and lifts her mama's faith.
For the Shoulders just now in Chile.  Lord, comfort your son.
For whatever is the will of God in my life.
For Jonathan's armor bearer saying, "Whatever you have in mind to do; do it.  I am with you heart and  soul."
For the deep, deep love of Jesus.
For something stirring.
For my oldest brother.
For the Soul Sisters.
For WendyJohn.
For lions that stalk by day.
For words, and for His Words.
For answered prayer and Daniel coming home again for school.
For heaven.
For always and always...lots of children in my home; thank You, Lord.
For the smile of Christ, and for His call.
For my Joshua.  Beloved Son, I see you still.  You are with me now.  Always.
For the righteous life, and for love.

Yes.

For love,

Bernadette

When Only Christ Will Do

I've been saying it for years now...that Jesus sees beauty in the broken things.  But I met with Him on Friday, and He asked me this question:  "Do you believe?  Do you believe that I can make your life beautiful?  Do you believe that I can transform what has been broken and use it for My glory?  Don't you believe that you are always free and whole and beautiful... in Me?  And Child, why would that not be enough for you?"

Hmmm... what does it mean to believe?

My heart is burning in my chest, and not just because I ate too many corn chips.  My heart is burning because I can hear His voice more clearly when the hard things are at hand.  My wonder-bread flesh wants things comfortable...

"Don't give me no pain."  

But...when I hear the voice of my Jesus calling me out of comfort, out of this full, fatness that makes my soul sluggish and luke warm, I want Him to give me the harder thing still.

Crazy???

Though I lay on my couch weeping with this sorrow that engulfs me at times, I cry out to Him for more.  More of the fiery trial.  More of persecution.  More of the hard road, because I am deaf and blind with out them.  They are my truest friends outside of Christ Himself.  They are the true North of this life in Christ compass.  When I am comfortable, well fed, and my relationships are going well, my heart wanders from the cross life.  I can not be grateful when I am most comfortable.

I can not be grateful and comfortable at the same time.

Even when He lavishes my family with the most precious time on the water.  When our conversation is rich with the gospel, and we sit around morning coffee and hot chocolate relishing each other and all the beauty that surrounds us.  Even in that, there is a joy so full that it hurts...that Christ so crucified would meet us in our small circle.  And bless us.

Jesus Christ makes the wretch His treasure.

And the only joy I can experience now is when He is in it.  The only thing I can trust is the sound of His voice.  And I find myself disliking all this comfort, and longing for more of the giving away life so that I can know Him more and hear Him better still.

Oh Christ...like a deer pants for water, so my soul does long for thee.

What is this stirring in my soul?  Is not my heart, burning within me?

I wake from my slumber and find my mouth forming the words of something deep within my spirit that my mind has not dwelt on consciously.

"Here I am, Lord.  Send me."

Make me a Believer.

Take this life, Father, and make it beautiful for Your glory.

Thy will alone, be done.

But ONLY...  Give me Jesus,

Bernadette

Stolen

When you know that you are the thief that hangs on a cross next to Christ.

The one who has stolen every good thing.

The one who knows what he has done and knows what he deserves.

The one who asks "Jesus...Remember me?"

When you are that kind of thief, and when you are that kind of sad.

When you wonder how you will ever lift your eyes up.

He says..."Truly, you will be with me today in paradise."

He says,  "Truly."

He says,  "You will be with me."

And where in all this world would I rather be than with my Jesus?

He is with me, and I am with Him.

And even though I lived a crucified past.

Past redemption and full of holes.

Now, I have been crucified with Christ.

And it is no longer I who live.

But Christ.

In me.

And all the weight that I carry, He knows.

And all the shame that I wear, He knows.

Every tear I cry, He sees.

Yes.

He sees me.  He knows me.

And don't I sense His pleasure?

When I cry, "Jesus, Remember me."

He reaches straight down...

To wipe my broken tears.

To hold my shattered life.

To call me His child and to be my Father.

To say that He is making all things new.

And when He says,

"Truly."

"You will be with me today."

He gives me hope for Paradise.


Heaven and Home,

Bernadette

Luke 23:32-43