Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Of a Monday Morning

The sun rising golden glory.
Four geese in the field.
A doe eating her breakfast while I drink my coffee, admiring her ears.
The little apple tree forming a heart in her leaves and branches.
Snow in the mountains.
Robins carrying bits of nest and worm.
Love letters.
Little Sister's professional payoff at the recital.
Working through the finances.
Calling boys to become men.
Prayer.  The privilege of prayer.
That Re is tucked into in her own bed even as I write this.
That no amount of distance can separate hearts that love each other and love Him.
Summer on Sarah's skin.  The Light and the Life in her eyes.
The family prayer circle.
Kissing her soft cheek and holding her head in my hands.
The quiet these days.
Letting go.
Soaking in The Word.
Young Believers.
A phone call from an old friend made new in Christ.  A gift.
The hard things.
Leaning harder into Him.
The grace to practice conflict.  To learn.
The Shoulder's shoulders.
Having him home.
Going to sleep with the sound of his breath.
Waking up holding hands somehow.
That we are together.

Thank You, Lord.


Tuesday, June 3, 2014

All Quiet on the Western Front

Pretty quiet these days.
Pregnant with peace.
Feel like I should unbutton my pants.
But I'm not full like that.

You know me.
You know me, Jesus and…
It is enough.
Enough to be full of You.

Your eye is on the sparrow.
And though I can't see what You are doing,
I know, Jesus, that you see me.

Potter, Your hands make and mold all that I am now.
You are sculpting a surrendered soul.
The warmth of truth in Your hands,
Leaves me stock still in wonder.

And You bend over this one life here.
Thoughtful.  Careful.  Purposeful.
Gentle and warm and sure and shhhhh….
The Master is working.

In all this fat peace,


Thursday, May 29, 2014


Knows what to do.

When you're splitting in half,
And your quills are standing on end.
When you don't want to be touched,
Because you are…untouchable, unreachable, unlovable.
And you sneer and snarl and…
Dare her to love you anyhow.

Knows what to do.

When you've lost yourself again,
And all you want to do is hit the road.
Run for your life,
Even though you know it means death.
When you can't stop choosing what you've always known,
Instead of the good stuff that she offers…her heart.

Knows what to do.

When the day comes thirty years later,
And you find yourself sitting cross-legged on the couch.
With kleenex piling up between your thighs,
Because you never got to say goodbye properly.
And you wonder how it can survive raw after all this time.
Grief has a long shelf life.

Knows what to do.

If you get stuck in the ditch,
And your life is leaking out all over the place?
When all of you is unsavory and unkind?
When you're just lost and don't even know the sound of your own voice?
When you feel like a failure?
When you've fallen?

Don't worry, now.


She knows what to do,


Cloud Watching

The friend who holds my hand warm through the anguish.
The Word of Truth that often hurts good.
The drawer of my heart and my knees to bend hours behind the closed door.
The One I want to be alone with.

The great Listener, bending down to hear His daughter's prayers.
The Seer of every tear.  Every.  Single.  One.
The Lover of my soul.
The Giver of my salvation.

The One Who gives me breath.
The One Who makes me breathless with His love.
The Delighter.
The Delighted.

And when I am wetting His dear feet with my tears.
And when I am crying for mercy.
For His people, His church, His bride.
Just a puddle of tears and snot?

When I look in the mirror and sigh.
When the dead rise to tell me that I am disqualified and…disgusting?
When my enemy tells me over and over again that I am worthless.
And when I am shaken to my core in waves of weakness.

I know that He is my strength.
He is the One Who fights for me.
His righteous right hand upholds me.
His Word is the mighty sword in my hand.

He has raised me up from the grave.
He has set my feet on solid Rock.
He has given me new Life.
He has birthed me anew.

He knows my name.
He called me by name.
He loves my name and…
One day He will write a new name for me on a white stone.  (Rev. 2)

He is The Resurrection and The Life.
He is The Alpha and The Omega.
He is The coming King.

His Name is Jesus,


"Look, He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him, even those who pierced Him and all peoples on earth will mourn because of Him.  So shall it be!  Amen.  (Rev. 1)

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

When Your Heart Leaves Home

When your daughter.

Your friend.

Moves away.

And takes your heart right along with her.

You keep your back straight.

Your mouth turned up.

And you walk her to her car.

The one with the GSUS plates.

The one with the bike mounted on the trunk.

You snap pictures.

As if you were at a birthday party.

As if your heart weren't coming apart on the inside.

When her brother takes her into his strong arms.

And weeps with out shame.

His love out loud for this woman.

This sister, mentor, friend.

Or when Little Sister flies to you.

Because the one who prayed her into the world.

Is driving away.


And you stand watching numb.

Wondering where the little girl in the pink "whim soup" went.

Where the girl at the top of the tree in her best dress went.

Where the laughing, singing, bossing little darling went and just.

Treasuring all these things in your heart.

Your heart…

Driving away like that,


Monday, May 26, 2014

The Blessed Things

Sitting around the campfire.



Studying Him.

The Book of James.

S'more S'mores, Please!

A. wearing marshmallow lipstick and making a holy mess.

Girls talking until late in their tent.

Mamas falling asleep praying for dear friends in Panama.

Giant teenaged boys sprawled on the basement floor.  Legs and arms everywhere.

Andrew's eyelashes.

The coconut bra and laughing until it hurts.

A son turning seventeen.

Just…the sun on my skin.

Healing up a bit.

Practicing conflict.

Carrying the Shoulders in my heart and in my prayers while he labors in Peru.

Missing him.

An email from Sarahgirl that made me cry.

Missing her.

All of these.

With thanks, Lord, for…

The blessed things,


Friday, May 23, 2014

The Watchman's Daughter

Little Sister had an asthma attack while jumping on the trampoline.
The Watchman's Daughter was there.

A closing throat, a loss of breath, a purpling of the lips.
The Watchman's Daughter was there.

Little Sister collapsed, and she tried to save her.
The Watchman's Daughter.

The Kind and Compassionate tried as well.
But The Watchman's Daughter was there.

Little Sister could not call for help.
The Watchman's Daughter was there.

The Shoulders gave her a final blow to open up air and life.
The Watchman's Daughter stood watching. 

Little Sister could breathe again, and her face returned to pale.
The Watchman's Daughter was there.

We all circled 'round, waiting for her to nod that she was okay.
The Watchman's Daughter was there.

How do you process such things?
The Watchman's Daughter was there.

How do you ever say thank you?
That The Watchman's Daughter was there?

The Watchman's Daughter was there,


Eternal thanks to SAN for always watching over her friends and family.  Dang, girl!  You are the best!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

No Offense…

John Chapter 7

"And he (Jesus) answered them, 'Go and tell John what you have seen and heard;  the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them. 
And blessed is the one 
who is not offended by me."

My Jesus, Thank You.

For giving sight to my blind eyes.

For cleaning up my walk with You; I was crippled by the world and by sin.  I was lame.

For washing away the things in my life that were unclean and for restoring my body to Yourself.

For giving me ears to hear the sound of Your voice.

For raising my life up from the dead and saving me from eternal hell and separation from You, O God.

For giving my poor life the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

For taking a heart that was so deeply offended by You, and causing it to rejoice in all that You are.

No longer offended, Jesus.

Rather in love, actually,


Matthew Chapter 5

"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account."

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

A Place At The Table

He sets a place for me at His banqueting table.
Right in front of my enemy.

She buys a new chair for her house.
So there is a place for me to sit with them.

We circle and I tell them it's okay to say "no thanks."
But they all nod their heads.

They share their hearts with me.
And hold mine like a baby bird.

This circle of friends makes me laugh.
And gives me wings.

So I don't have to run anymore,


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

When You're Just Desperate

I closed the cabin door and started to cry.

Lifting my voice to the loft.

Maybe I thought You couldn't hear me?

I knelt down on the hard wood.

My forehead touching the floor.

Your Name filling the space all around me.

Filling my mouth, heart and soul.

I cried Jeremiah 33:3 over and over again.

"Call to Me, and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know."

Because I want to know.

I want to know You.

And I don't want to let You go unless You bless me.

Bless me, Lord.

Bless ME,


Monday, May 19, 2014

Half Time

If the Lord tarries and does not call me home.
I am at the halfway mark.
Forty-five years under the roll over my belt.
And pushing for the finish line.

As I run, I imagine the great cloud of witnesses.
And what they might say to me at a refueling station.
Words of encouragement.
To you.  To us.  To the team…

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith.  For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  Hebrews, Chapter 12

Half Time

All your eggs must absolutely go into the Jesus basket.

And if you are going to show moderation in your Christian walk?

Show it like Jesus did.

With both hands nailed to a piece of wood.

And if nobody understands you anymore?

Well…at least you're in good company.

Because eleven of the twelve were martyred for His Name.

They were Believers.

Live "all in" for Christ's sake.

Pray for grace to go to the grave with His Name on your lips.

Live your love for Jesus out loud.

In a world that's not that into Him.

Believers, Bring it in,


Eye For An Eye

I have one life.

The way I live out my days will set the course for how I live out my life.

How then, shall I live?

I think I ought nought give more than what Jesus gave.

He gave His life.

For mine.

I will give my life.

To Him.

Go ahead.

Call me crazy.


Saturday, May 17, 2014

The Watchman's Wife

She keeps her phone by her bed at night when The Shoulders travels to Peru.
The same way I keep mine by my bed at night when The Watchman travels to Nevada.

The best place for us to talk is on our knees.
But we'll take the red chairs, the brown couch, and even the gross orange love seat.

I guess you could say our friendship has got some color now.
And not just in our matching rosy cheeks.

Are we on coffee this week or not?
And what are we practicing right now?

I tell her that I can't speak.
She says oh yes you can.

She has and holds my children's hearts.
I carry hers around in my mind, laboring for them in prayer.

She lifts me up to the Light of the Truth.
I can see better that way.

We hold hands and squeeze knees at church and…
Sometimes I have to pinch myself.

Because the Lord has been good to me.
Giving me a sister and a friend.

The Watchman's Wife.


Friday, May 16, 2014

Living Water

Lord, get me to the deep.

Get me to the well.

Where I can get well.

Take Your dipper made of stars.

And pour Living Water down my throat.

Let Your Name drip from my lips.


And let me see You smile the sun.

Bringing warmth to my skin.

Thawing the frozen winter of this heart.

As I draw again from Your cup.

Drinking heaven.

Dripping Your Name.


So thirsty,


Monday, March 31, 2014

Winter 2014

Some days are just particularly off, and mine starts out that way.  It's been a long winter, and I hear that Billings has broken its all time record for snow.  Doesn't my skin know it?  Doesn't my heart?  I wake up needing to touch God's face in the face of all that is cold.  I grab my camera and head out to chase the living God.    I know I will find Him.  He tells me as much.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 28:13

Even so, when I stop to take a snap shot of the broken ice on the road, I get a living response from Him that I wasn't expecting.  I see my life in the broken ice, and my heart bears witness; something beautiful here.  I look up and out into the unknown, knowing that Jesus sees me, and that He is making beauty out of the broken fragments of my life.  

I look to my left, and am speechless.  A broken widow.  A shattered, dirty window pane that is framed.  God frames me in Himself.  He holds all the torn, filthy pieces inside Himself, and I am secure in a Savior Who washes me whiter than all this snow.  He holds me.  Together.  Beautiful.

And when my life feels stretched thin, and I am pricked by inadequacy, insecurity and fear?  He makes all things beautiful.  He sees.  He knows.

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."  Zephania 3:17

A burden shared is a burden divided.  A few good friends can help you stand strong in the storm while you wait for spring.  For flowers.  For sun on your skin.  For the truth that the deepest of winters can't stop spring from coming.  It can't keep new life from springing up out of the dead.  And bless the Lord for my dear friends:  I am not the lone tree anymore.  I am not alone.  I stand with friends whose arms reach out to worship this Jesus even in the depths of killing cold.  We stand together in joyful hope, waiting for something bigger to come.  And He is, friends: Jesus is coming again soon.

"He who testifies to these things says, 'Yes, I am coming soon.'  Amen.  Come, Lord Jesus."  Revelation 22:20

Winter loses her icy grip on my heart, and I am warmed by Him.  The God of the elements is the God of me.

Amen.  Come Lord Jesus,