Sunday, August 18, 2013

His Delight

When I showed up for church this morning, I was wearing my jeans with holes and not feeling particularly holy.  I woke up with a big zit on my face, and because I'm a picker, I popped it first thing. I mean...some things can't be left alone,  even if you haven't had your coffee, right?  Of course it would be a bleeder so I stuck a piece of toilet paper to it and let it stay while I tended to other business, like trying to tame my hair, for instance.

Some people might not appreciate a wife with a bloody tissue stuck to her face as she sucks down two cups of coffee then begs for a kiss.  Not my Shoulders.  He kissed me and held me and looked me straight in the eye as if I'd never slept on my eyebrows wrong.  He is a brave man.

He's leaving see.  He needs to look beyond my painfully slow starter-ness, and he needs to inhale, fully, my coffee breath: slight scent of frankincense essential oil because it's working on the pre-cancerous spot on my face.  (It's the one that makes me smell like a Christmas tree...or an entire forest as the Shoulders likes to say.)  Yes.  I am something in the morning.

I watch him pack the car and drive our brave and beautiful daughter down the lane and out of sight.  A working road trip, and I don't know whose going to enjoy it more.  The father, my Shoulders, or my girl who brings out the best in her daddy.

We've had so many of these goodbyes.

That's why I was surprised when I showed up at church today and saw the Lord.  It was such a regular morning, right?  I stood in worship surrounded by my three mountainous sons.  (Oh, Thank You Lord, for this brief opportunity to feel tiny again.)  I slipped my shoes off because I hurt my foot water skiing, and my shoe was too tight.  Boy, am I glad I did.

I can't even remember the song we were singing, but suddenly I was standing on holy ground.

I tipped my head back a bit.  Took a deep breath, and...

Saw the Lord.

He smiled at me and said to my spirit, "Well THERE you are!"

(If you think Jesus doesn't know that you miss church to go on vacation, you're wrong, even if you had church every single day out on the water.)

My face split in half because I could see that He was happy to see me.

Jesus.  Was.  Delighted.  To.  See.  Me.

Jeans full of holes.  Life full of holes.

Needing Jesus.  Needing Jesus.  Needing Jesus.

I remember when I first started reading the Word as a woman saved by grace.  Finally,  I knew the author of my Bible personally, and it began to make sense.  When I read Zephania 3:17, I couldn't breathe, and I read it a hundred times a day for months.  Maybe years.  (I still recite this verse hundreds of times to myself each year.)  This...seemed so impossible to me.  And yet, it is what I saw in the Lord's face today at church.  Despite me.  Despite morning me, and the Shoulders leaving for two weeks me, and the rush of the fall school schedule me.  Even so...

I saw His delight in me.

And friends, just go ahead and ask me what in all this world I want, and I will tell you plainly...

I want to see the Lord, and I want to see His delight.

 As for the rest?

Just so many holes in my jeans,


Zephania 3:17

Saturday, August 17, 2013


The sun setting on the water.
Me sitting long beside Him.
Listening to the water reach again and again for the shore.
The way He is always reaching for His people.
Reading the Psalms aloud to that little family of geese.
A goose, his gander, and their five teenaged goslings.
Praying with my heart torn open.
And shouting my prayers into the wind storm that came up.
Giving Jesus my whole heart just the way He made me.
The Shoulders with his shirt unbuttoned.
His breathing steadied for now, and his voice reading to all of us at night.
His muscles pulled taught by the ski rope, and his smile.
Watching him sleep late, and thanking God for this needed rest.
Camping coffee and hot chocolate.
Our bed-headed circle of conversation.
Not rushing, except to get back on the boat.
Every day ice cream for the kids at Kim's Marina.
A wild weekend with the playboy mansion camped next door and...
Just lots of prayers and sighs and lost sleep and my kids getting a dose of the world.
Make that a double D dose.
The Watchman reading us all calm and collected around a smokey fire.
Dinner at Bert and Ernie's in Helena to help us heal.
The only quiet place we could find, and the food such a comfort.
Two boys getting up in the dark to put the cover on the boat...
With out being asked.
The SailBoat Cafe.
The Shoulder's bringing two lawn chairs and a bottle of wine to the beach.
Always, the sound of his voice.
Daniel's white smile standing out on his tan skin, and the way he shines on skis.
Little Sister bobbing in the water and saying, "When I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."
Right before getting up on skis for the first time.
Happy water.
Droplets on their faces.
Dearest Friends around the campfire.
A new old friend.
Kids tipping canoes, diving, splashing, singing and...
Big Married Kids kissing and holding and smiling long into each others hearts.
Sarahgirl building sand castles and serving us and never shaving...for ten days.
Andrew growing up and getting up on one ski.
The Silent Deep sitting silently and deeply next to me and...
Holding my hand.
Laying my head down at night on a pillow that rocks me to sleep.
The way of the pelican.
Missing my friends back home.
What the Lord spoke to me in the wind.
While the waves splashed over my feet.

Living Water,