Saturday, November 17, 2012

Courtney's Lace

I read her words,, on a night that found me sleepless; the holes in my soul aching clean through.

I sat in the old rocker with my jaw hanging loose and gasping out loud.


Her words wrote my heart line for line, and it looked like maybe she'd gotten into my head somehow.


I left a small note in her comment box.

She came to visit me here over and over and over again.  Always leaving the fragrance of encouragement and love.  Knowing the cost.  Understanding.  Holding my hand.

And when it really seemed like I couldn't draw one more breath,  I received a gift in the real, actual mail.

A knitted lace shawl tumbled out like a wide ribbon of laughter, and blue joy ruffles rippled all around the outside edge.  (How did she know that I love ruffles?)  I held it up to a grey sky, and azure flowers danced on low clouds.  I wrapped it around my shoulders.  Sat down hard.  Cried and cried and cried.

Her hands made this for me.

They held my life in them for months, and I imagine her fingers flying over delicate skeins, knitting this blue, and stitching my heart together by holding it in hers. What kind of woman does that?  What kind of love is that?  We've never-ever met!  Her gorgeous lace crowns my shoulders with heaven, and makes me look like a queen.  (How did she know that's just what I needed?)  I want so to kiss the hands that have brought me such a gift, at such a time, with such love.  This blue, the exact color of my dreams, and all its beauty takes my breath.  I won't take it off, and it's a few days before I notice it... the lace.  

It's     got     holes     clean     through,     see?



  1. Oh, our God...he provides the best of friends:)

    Praying for you right now...that you would be at peace, that you would have reason for Eucharisto, that He'd be near and loud and remind you that He holds every tear and thought and whispered fear in His hand. Love to you;)


  2. Thank you, my friend. I have missed you!

  3. My Dear Bernadette. The short answer is this: I didn't know, but He did. I didn't know you loved ruffles or that the shade of blue that called to me from the shelves of a yarn store was the color of your dreams--or that by the time I would finally finish this long labor of love, it would find you at just the moment you needed it most. I didn't know. But He did. And, oh, how fitting for this love between sisters! Two women from different states, knitted together by the hand of God. You are Gift and Grace to me, Dear One. There are no words for how grateful I am. And I didn't see it until you wrote it here, how it's the *holes* that let the beauty shine through. I'm still learning this, still fighting to see that I'm not ragged and worn through. I am lace, knitted by God with the needles of adversity and loss. And so, my Friend, are you.