Sunday, August 12, 2012

I Would

If I could have you back my baby boy, I would.
If I could hold you close and kiss your warm head, I would.
If I could have your chubby hand in mine once more, I would.
If I could travel the world singing silly songs with you again, I would.
If I could read you The Animals of Farmer Jones  one more time, I would.
If I could still sing you lullabies, I would.
If I could hear the sound of your little boy voice again, I so would.
If I could dance the floor with you laughing and riding on my hip, I would.
If I could push you through the house in a laundry basket again, I would.
If I could watch you fall into good sleep, Boy, you know I would.

You come home a combat soldier and nothing left in you that speaks of that little boy.
I am proud of you.
But I am the weak fool, Son.
Because I am a writer.
Whose words get stuck in the swallowed tears damming her throat.
When thoughts are full of you.
While my heart works at letting you fly.
Out into the wide world and...
Away from me.

If I could become your friend, I would.
If I could know your heart, I would.
If I could bear  your burdens, I would.
If I could be the ears that hear, I would.
If could carry your name to our Father, I would.
If I could help you carry the load, I would.
If I could lay down my life for you, Son,  I would.

I would.



  1. Oh, this is so, so beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing!

  2. These words are so heart-touching, Bernadette.

  3. I love your words. They make me think of my two sons and how I would love to go back and snuggle with them for a when they were little. It makes me smile.

  4. Writing has not been so easy for me these last few months, and I just want you girls to know how much I appreciate you hanging in there with me! You are members of my great cloud of witnesses, and I am grateful for you.

    With LOVE.


  5. Stunning and heart wrenching. It is a long, slow process, the letting go and the moving forward. You are a gift to your children, Friend. Don't ever forget that. Cherish the past but rejoice, too, in the becoming.