His Delight

When I showed up for church this morning, I was wearing my jeans with holes and not feeling particularly holy.  I woke up with a big zit on my face, and because I'm a picker, I popped it first thing. I mean...some things can't be left alone,  even if you haven't had your coffee, right?  Of course it would be a bleeder so I stuck a piece of toilet paper to it and let it stay while I tended to other business, like trying to tame my hair, for instance.

Some people might not appreciate a wife with a bloody tissue stuck to her face as she sucks down two cups of coffee then begs for a kiss.  Not my Shoulders.  He kissed me and held me and looked me straight in the eye as if I'd never slept on my eyebrows wrong.  He is a brave man.

He's leaving see.  He needs to look beyond my painfully slow starter-ness, and he needs to inhale, fully, my coffee breath: slight scent of frankincense essential oil because it's working on the pre-cancerous spot on my face.  (It's the one that makes me smell like a Christmas tree...or an entire forest as the Shoulders likes to say.)  Yes.  I am something in the morning.

I watch him pack the car and drive our brave and beautiful daughter down the lane and out of sight.  A working road trip, and I don't know whose going to enjoy it more.  The father, my Shoulders, or my girl who brings out the best in her daddy.

We've had so many of these goodbyes.

That's why I was surprised when I showed up at church today and saw the Lord.  It was such a regular morning, right?  I stood in worship surrounded by my three mountainous sons.  (Oh, Thank You Lord, for this brief opportunity to feel tiny again.)  I slipped my shoes off because I hurt my foot water skiing, and my shoe was too tight.  Boy, am I glad I did.

I can't even remember the song we were singing, but suddenly I was standing on holy ground.

I tipped my head back a bit.  Took a deep breath, and...

Saw the Lord.

He smiled at me and said to my spirit, "Well THERE you are!"

(If you think Jesus doesn't know that you miss church to go on vacation, you're wrong, even if you had church every single day out on the water.)

My face split in half because I could see that He was happy to see me.

Jesus.  Was.  Delighted.  To.  See.  Me.

Jeans full of holes.  Life full of holes.

Needing Jesus.  Needing Jesus.  Needing Jesus.

I remember when I first started reading the Word as a woman saved by grace.  Finally,  I knew the author of my Bible personally, and it began to make sense.  When I read Zephania 3:17, I couldn't breathe, and I read it a hundred times a day for months.  Maybe years.  (I still recite this verse hundreds of times to myself each year.)  This...seemed so impossible to me.  And yet, it is what I saw in the Lord's face today at church.  Despite me.  Despite morning me, and the Shoulders leaving for two weeks me, and the rush of the fall school schedule me.  Even so...

I saw His delight in me.

And friends, just go ahead and ask me what in all this world I want, and I will tell you plainly...

I want to see the Lord, and I want to see His delight.

 As for the rest?

Just so many holes in my jeans,

Bernadette

Zephania 3:17
THE LORD YOUR GOD IS WITH YOU, HE IS MIGHTY TO SAVE.  HE WILL TAKE GREAT DELIGHT IN YOU, HE WILL QUIET YOU WITH HIS LOVE, HE WILL REJOICE OVER YOU WITH SINGING.

LAKE TALES 2013

The sun setting on the water.
Me sitting long beside Him.
Listening to the water reach again and again for the shore.
The way He is always reaching for His people.
Reading the Psalms aloud to that little family of geese.
A goose, his gander, and their five teenaged goslings.
Praying with my heart torn open.
And shouting my prayers into the wind storm that came up.
Giving Jesus my whole heart just the way He made me.
Emotional.
The Shoulders with his shirt unbuttoned.
His breathing steadied for now, and his voice reading to all of us at night.
His muscles pulled taught by the ski rope, and his smile.
Watching him sleep late, and thanking God for this needed rest.
Camping coffee and hot chocolate.
Our bed-headed circle of conversation.
Not rushing, except to get back on the boat.
Every day ice cream for the kids at Kim's Marina.
A wild weekend with the playboy mansion camped next door and...
Just lots of prayers and sighs and lost sleep and my kids getting a dose of the world.
Make that a double D dose.
The Watchman reading us all calm and collected around a smokey fire.
Dinner at Bert and Ernie's in Helena to help us heal.
The only quiet place we could find, and the food such a comfort.
Two boys getting up in the dark to put the cover on the boat...
With out being asked.
The SailBoat Cafe.
The Shoulder's bringing two lawn chairs and a bottle of wine to the beach.
Always, the sound of his voice.
Daniel's white smile standing out on his tan skin, and the way he shines on skis.
Little Sister bobbing in the water and saying, "When I am afraid, I will trust in Thee."
Right before getting up on skis for the first time.
Happy water.
Droplets on their faces.
Dearest Friends around the campfire.
A new old friend.
Kids tipping canoes, diving, splashing, singing and...
Laughing.
Big Married Kids kissing and holding and smiling long into each others hearts.
Sarahgirl building sand castles and serving us and never shaving...for ten days.
Andrew growing up and getting up on one ski.
The Silent Deep sitting silently and deeply next to me and...
Holding my hand.
Laying my head down at night on a pillow that rocks me to sleep.
The way of the pelican.
Missing my friends back home.
What the Lord spoke to me in the wind.
While the waves splashed over my feet.

Living Water,

Bernadette

FOR

Thankful

For the closeness I feel in this family these days.
For the very heat of summer.
For days at the lake that heal us up.
For our conversation circle full of bed heads and camping coffee.
For the sun setting over the water, and the Son rising up within me.
For prayer time alone.
For communion with Him.
For prayer with Re, my tears falling on her bed, and her...as always, catching them.
For this new way of doing life together.
For my blue scarf girl and all my thoughts of her.  Never far.
For Bliss.
For her lovely face on that pillow, and the way she always runs her hands through her hair.
For the one who bought my kids zebra gum and who...saved my life when Daniel was a babe.
For the struggle.
For the joy of the struggle.
For T...just for her, Lord.
For the way the leaves dance on the evening breeze.
For string music.
For the sound of worship in this home.
For Sarahgirl leading them on, and including the younger two.
For the sound of her voice lifting the roof when she doesn't think anyone is listening.
For the way she pursues Christ and lifts her mama's faith.
For the Shoulders just now in Chile.  Lord, comfort your son.
For whatever is the will of God in my life.
For Jonathan's armor bearer saying, "Whatever you have in mind to do; do it.  I am with you heart and  soul."
For the deep, deep love of Jesus.
For something stirring.
For my oldest brother.
For the Soul Sisters.
For WendyJohn.
For lions that stalk by day.
For words, and for His Words.
For answered prayer and Daniel coming home again for school.
For heaven.
For always and always...lots of children in my home; thank You, Lord.
For the smile of Christ, and for His call.
For my Joshua.  Beloved Son, I see you still.  You are with me now.  Always.
For the righteous life, and for love.

Yes.

For love,

Bernadette

When Only Christ Will Do

I've been saying it for years now...that Jesus sees beauty in the broken things.  But I met with Him on Friday, and He asked me this question:  "Do you believe?  Do you believe that I can make your life beautiful?  Do you believe that I can transform what has been broken and use it for My glory?  Don't you believe that you are always free and whole and beautiful... in Me?  And Child, why would that not be enough for you?"

Hmmm... what does it mean to believe?

My heart is burning in my chest, and not just because I ate too many corn chips.  My heart is burning because I can hear His voice more clearly when the hard things are at hand.  My wonder-bread flesh wants things comfortable...

"Don't give me no pain."  

But...when I hear the voice of my Jesus calling me out of comfort, out of this full, fatness that makes my soul sluggish and luke warm, I want Him to give me the harder thing still.

Crazy???

Though I lay on my couch weeping with this sorrow that engulfs me at times, I cry out to Him for more.  More of the fiery trial.  More of persecution.  More of the hard road, because I am deaf and blind with out them.  They are my truest friends outside of Christ Himself.  They are the true North of this life in Christ compass.  When I am comfortable, well fed, and my relationships are going well, my heart wanders from the cross life.  I can not be grateful when I am most comfortable.

I can not be grateful and comfortable at the same time.

Even when He lavishes my family with the most precious time on the water.  When our conversation is rich with the gospel, and we sit around morning coffee and hot chocolate relishing each other and all the beauty that surrounds us.  Even in that, there is a joy so full that it hurts...that Christ so crucified would meet us in our small circle.  And bless us.

Jesus Christ makes the wretch His treasure.

And the only joy I can experience now is when He is in it.  The only thing I can trust is the sound of His voice.  And I find myself disliking all this comfort, and longing for more of the giving away life so that I can know Him more and hear Him better still.

Oh Christ...like a deer pants for water, so my soul does long for thee.

What is this stirring in my soul?  Is not my heart, burning within me?

I wake from my slumber and find my mouth forming the words of something deep within my spirit that my mind has not dwelt on consciously.

"Here I am, Lord.  Send me."

Make me a Believer.

Take this life, Father, and make it beautiful for Your glory.

Thy will alone, be done.

But ONLY...  Give me Jesus,

Bernadette

Stolen

When you know that you are the thief that hangs on a cross next to Christ.

The one who has stolen every good thing.

The one who knows what he has done and knows what he deserves.

The one who asks "Jesus...Remember me?"

When you are that kind of thief, and when you are that kind of sad.

When you wonder how you will ever lift your eyes up.

He says..."Truly, you will be with me today in paradise."

He says,  "Truly."

He says,  "You will be with me."

And where in all this world would I rather be than with my Jesus?

He is with me, and I am with Him.

And even though I lived a crucified past.

Past redemption and full of holes.

Now, I have been crucified with Christ.

And it is no longer I who live.

But Christ.

In me.

And all the weight that I carry, He knows.

And all the shame that I wear, He knows.

Every tear I cry, He sees.

Yes.

He sees me.  He knows me.

And don't I sense His pleasure?

When I cry, "Jesus, Remember me."

He reaches straight down...

To wipe my broken tears.

To hold my shattered life.

To call me His child and to be my Father.

To say that He is making all things new.

And when He says,

"Truly."

"You will be with me today."

He gives me hope for Paradise.


Heaven and Home,

Bernadette

Luke 23:32-43

When Your Eyes Are Growing Dim

Sometimes it seems I'm never going to grow up.

I bought a new bible.

The print is larger, and...

My eyes are growing dim.

I bought one for the Shoulder's for Father's Day.

He said if we read every word, it would be equivalent to having a bachelor's degree in theology.

I open the pages.

I close the pages.

You see?

I lied.

I have a bible exactly like this new one except the print is smaller, and...

My eyes are growing dim.

I didn't think about the cost until I had it home and in my hands.

Then...I felt kind of sick.

And when the Shoulder's saw it laying out on the table, I lied.

I said I had always had it, but that the zipper had broken on my cover.

Two lies.

Three days of misery.

And last night, I lay in our bed and cried.

I told him the truth, and it seems like I've been confessing a whole lot lately.

Stupid stuff.  Embarrassing stuff.  Thank God...

Shoulders are good for crying on, and he said we could earn our bachelor's in theology together.

I guess the Lord is answering my prayers and showing me anything not HIM that I worship.

Turns out, it's me.

Sometimes it seems I'm never going to grow up.

And my eyes are growing dim,

Bernadette

An Appeal to Lucille (her grand daughter anyhow)

Wendy, Wendy,

Be my Friendy.

Time to write.

And show your might.

Pen some words.

Please, never eat turds.

Make the choice.

To let the world hear your voice.

Share some wisdom here?

I'll buy you a beer.  (I promise.)

You have something that I really want.

Your friendship with Jesus...time to flaunt?

Anyone can rhyme.

But sometimes it's a bad idea.



Hahahahahaha,

B(posting your thoughts now)