"Hit It"- What a water skier says to the driver of the boat when ready to get up out of the water.
Full Throttle- Full steam ahead, baby!
My Shoulders encourages me to try water skiing, and I look at him like he's crazy.
I've had so many problems with my back over the years, that I have gradually given up sports. Running. Ice Skating. Snow Skiing. Basketball. Sport after sport, loss after loss, and I know it seems silly, but it's been sad for me. Hard. For me. And for my family. I'm grateful for grace filled kids who have surrounded me with love and protection. Not letting me lift. Not letting me do too much. Fearing I will hurt. Precious souls. How my back issues have been such a part of our family. A burden. A cross.
The Shoulders asks again. Kids watch my face, holding their breath. Hoping. Praying. "Do you want to go?". My fear starts to strangle, but how do I answer?
By getting into the water.
Struggling into the skis and thrashing for the rope. Hope. Blinking back tears of embarrassment as the children watch me. Have they ever known me strong? Do they remember? Soundless, at first, everyone fighting fear for me, then a grand eruption of all this youthful encouragement from the lips of these trembling believers. "You've got this, Mom. You can do it! Be strong, Mom, and don't let go of the rope. Bend your knees and keep your skis together. I'm so proud of you, Mom! You ROCK! YEA!" From the boat to me...I am struck down by all their hope. That I would try this thing. And mean it. That I would risk injury. Again.
When did this become about so much more than just water skiing?
And, boom. Here comes the lesson.
I float on my back having an absolute fit of hysterical laughter. Raising the roof right there in the water...shrieking this crazy fit of joy up and to the clouds. I hear Sarah say to her dad, "Just let her have it out, Dad.". And I do. Laughing and laughing...abs so cramped that I lay in the water thanking God for this life jacket. Drowning in joy.
My water skis were at a 90 degree angle from the back of the boat. I kept trying to bring them around, but I'm so weak now, that I was having a hard time getting just that simple task accomplished. HE says:
"My strength is made perfect in your weakness."
Shouting aloud to myself, I suppose, I say, "I want to go THAT way! How can I go the RIGHT way when I'm pointed in the WRONG direction?". I know we are talking about this assignment He has given me, and HE says:
" And why do you keep saying "yes" but living "no"?
"Oh, God, how can I say, "HIT IT!", when I don't have the strength, and my pride reveals itself in fear as deep as this lake, and I know I'm going to fail? How can I risk injury? Again. And why do You keep captaining this boat and waiting for me? Are you sure I've not disqualified myself? Perhaps somebody else? Couldn't You just hit it anyway? What do You want with me, anyway? Aren't You the God of the universe anyway?"
I think these things as I lay on my back in the water. A bobbing doubting Thomas. Doubting that the Man Who hung on that tree. Really. REALLY. Wants. Me.
"Are you going to bobb or do the job?"
Well... wouldn't that make you laugh?
Suddenly, getting up out of the water, ON TOP OF THE WATER, is more important to me than anything in the whole world. I want to prove myself to the Lord, and that makes me laugh too. I want my yes to be yes. I want my life to be "YES, LORD!" He has orchestrated the whole exercise, and that is the reason I can't stop laughing. This God of ours is so very good to His kids. His kindness leads us to repentance, and I love the way He loves.
Do the hard thing. Let your life, all your life, say, "YES! " and "HIT IT!" to God.
Expect full throttle now, and don't let go of the rope!
Bernadette
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