This is how it is. After holy huddle, you leave your heart sitting on the edge of a hotel bed in Butte Montana, and you drive away. Your life work weeps as you hurtle down the interstate toward...home? A backward glance in the van. The remainder of your days looking at you with faces filled with grief. Eyes red and swollen. Sadness envelopes us, and the car is weighted with it's heavy silence. The only sound, muffled sobs and sniffling, seems unnaturally loud in that small space, and we sorrow together. This is what it is to be a family.
And now our family is changed. Forever. The Silent Deep is released into the world. He has been launched, and we that remain, launch into a different chapter of the book of Botz. Upon returning home, we stand around, a bit paralyzed, in his room, in the kitchen looking at pictures of him. Wondering what life will be with out his presence here. Wondering what we all will be with out him. The StrongSoft breaks as quietly as she can. The expression on her face breaks me again. My Sarah-girl.
Things will never be the same. Let us just be. The only comfort is that our God is good, and He is the God of Joshua. But it hurts here. Adjusting.
To all this...this heart breaking change,