Monday, June 27, 2011

Give Me Courage

So when I really need to let it rip with the Lord, I get in the car and drive.  Drive.  Drive.  Drive. Talk to Him; people around me think I'm crazy.  Just let it all hang out there with Him.  So we can work things out together.  So I don't have to worry about what my kids are going to think or what my husband is going to say.  You've heard me say it before.  Mini vans can be holy rolling sanctuaries.

Something lodged there in my heart for a long, long time.  Sometimes I am okay walking around with the thing, but lately, I feel like I just can't function any longer with that big log sticking there.  What to do.  Talk to Jesus.  Let Him help me work it out.  Love the way He does that.

Today I told Him that I feel like a kid whose arm has been broken.  I remember when Boy Blue did that.  He was messing around on the trampoline when he fell off and fractured his arm.  He knew he was guilty of playing in an unsafe way.  I forgave him immedietly.  Of course. Held him and loved him through the initial pain and shock.  Then.  I took him to the ER where they gave him an xray and a Sprite.  He loved going to the ER.  Later, a cast was put on, and the bone slowly healed.  He asked me when we could go back there again.

Thinking about that.  Telling Jesus that I know I've been forgiven, and that I know He is loving me through it, but I need some ER time.  I need the broken thing fixed.  Cried and cried in the car.  Gasping tears just like when I was a little girl.  Not too sure I can trust Him here.  Do you ever get to the point where you love the Emergency Room with Jesus?

The Eternal speaks.

"The only way out is through, Child.  I AM here.  I will help you.  I will heal this."

Can anyone say "PANIC?"  I know what He has in mind, and I can't do it.   And why  in the world does He keep asking me to do things that I can't?  God is crazy!

I've already made the decision to obey Him.  How could I not?  But will I always be terrified when I take His hand?  Heed His voice?  When do I get to not be afraid anymore?

One more step.  Eyes closed tight.  (of course!)  Stepping out in faith.  Asking for your crazy few who read these words typed out into space.  If I can get through this, I believe I can get though anything.

God is good.  He is mine.  He is yours.  Is He asking you today?

To be brave?


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