Freedom Fast

A good friend far away invites me into a different kind of fast.  She says we will say "NO" to hurting ourselves with our words.  We will extend grace to others in our lives and...to ourselves.  I'm not really sure why this makes me angry, but it does.  I am the biggest wrecking ball in my life.  Because it's comfortable.  Because it's what I do.  It is long the only thing that has made me feel like I have some control over my life, and sadly, it is something I'm good at.  Right.  I'm good at something bad.

Remember my dream of hell?  Remember how the enemy of our souls speaks there?  I.  Should know.  I.  Was there.  His words are the tearing down words.  And when we agree with those words...it makes hell on earth for us, now doesn't it?  Right?

Jesus is the Word.  The Life.  He is the Life Giving Words. 

I think this is what makes me so angry.  I love the Lord, but I live like the devil, and I don't want that pointed out so much.  When I take Satan's word over Christ's, I take my linen robe and put it on a pig.  Let's dress up that stink there, Miss Piggy.  Yuck.

Since my friend laid the challenge down, I have picked it up.  It has made me notice how mean I am to myself.  Not God's thoughts.  How cruel I am to my own heart.  Not God's ways.   It breaks my heart to think of the Beloved hanging on the tree, nailed down in perfect love...the ultimate price and the only gift worth eternity.  I mock Him.  Jeer.  Say "If You are really the Son of God, save yourself."

Save yourself from me, Lord.

He gazes down, and when our eyes catch I know not what I do.  Because in His eyes, I am loved so completely that all the wicked words I have heard and believed and taken as my own to speak again and again, are exposed.  As lies.  The truth pierces the cruel and breaks its chains of death, and I walk again as a free woman.

Free to Fast from Falsehood.   Free from the lies of my enemy.  Free from those cruel blows to this soul.

Whom the SON has set free, is free.

Free Indeed,

Bernadette

Amazed

It is like this some days.
I wake already in tears.
At the story of the cross.
The Hero Who made a way.
For me to put my feet to the floor.
Walk on Wood.
Draw in Breath.
Live this Life.
Because He is Life.
The Light of all men.
Me.
And how can I live?
Anything but the undone life?
Ruined and Saved at the same time.
By a grace that consumes me.
Every corner of this soul-scarred life.
His.
His only.
Oh, what can I say?
To reach the heart of Jesus Christ today?
To press this little love and fill the holes.
In hands that hung for me.
For us, dear friends.
Remember.

Live Amazed,

Bernadette

Thanks Again

The children and their friends sitting around a full table of good food and laughter.
My writing students.
The way the Shoulders meets my eyes with that smile in them.
Him reading eternity to us.
First generation finding its way to pray.
Second generation finding its own wings.
A daughter who has had enough of luke warm.
The boy beginning to bear some fruit.
Hard times for a mama's heart in learning to trust Jesus with theirs.
Little violinists playing with their tongues sticking out.
A girl named Sal.
My soldier son smiling over the tops of four cheeseburgers.
Holding the StrongSoft in my arms.
Rocking her still.
Shhh.  Hush little girl, little woman who isn't afraid to need her mama.
Still.
HIS face in my mind when I close my eyes.
Prayer Partners that bear the heavy burdens.
Falling back into the Body of Christ.
The Hope of the Risen, Living, Breathing, Coming-Again Jesus.

The Blessed Hope,

Bernadette

Some Questions

If I don't know what tomorrow brings, can I trust that You will always be good?
When the whole world falls, Lord, will You catch me all up into You?
When I can't see where You are working?
Will you remind me that You never stop?
Are the sin stains really washed?
Am I Snow White?
Does the world see YOU in me?
Am I low enough, I AM?
Will You search me and know me?
God?

Will You now?

Bernadette

The Disciples To Do List

Delight in the Lord.
Confess your sin.
Devour His Word.
Work with your hands.
Devote your life to Jesus.
Ask Him for help.
Praise Him for all He has done.
Thank Him continuously.
Meditate on Scripture.
Memorize it.
Sing to the Lord!
Teach your children about the things of God.
Don't wait on the concordance...just look it up already.
Stand on the promises He made.
Trust that He's the best at keeping them.
Get on your knees a bit.
Get still for a moment even if your hands are elbow deep in sink suds.
Let the teaching of kindness be on your tongue.
Love one another.
That's how all men will know you are His disciples.

If you love one another,

Bernadette

PERHAPS TODAY!

All is quiet now.
And I am laying on the floor smiling.
Giddy for the time to be still.
More time coming my way.
Unless He returns for me.
For us.
You know...
The Hero of our story.
The One Who gathers us.
All up into His arms.
His LOVE surrounds.
Like the sound of that trumpet.
Yes.
I think perhaps I've been straining to hear it today.
Watching the sky.
For the Prince on a white horse.
The Rescuer.
My friend Mark Martin (calvaryphx.com) hangs a note next to his bathroom mirror.
"PERHAPS TODAY!"
Perhaps today, the Savior will make His return.
Sometimes I wonder how He'll find me.
I always hoped it would be reading my Bible.
His Words.
But a close second would be this...
Just me smiling out into nothingness.

At all His goodness,

Bernadette

ON TIGERS

The Boy can't sleep either.
Wish he was still small.
So I could put him on my lap.
Rock him in this old chair.
Kiss his moles and
Admire his long, black lashes.
The ones that make the girls a bit goofy.
My heart fills.
He looks up at me and smiles.
Because I've not scolded him back to bed.
Because he knows.
That I am enjoying his company.
That God is slowing us all down.
So we can delight in each other.
Instead of running over the tops of hearts.
To get the world done.
The beauty of sitting here with my son.

Tiger, you can have your tail,

Bernadette