Thursday, October 27, 2011

Beauty Blunders

I tell the Boy that when he marries, there will be nothing his wife can do to shock him. 

After all, he sits in that passenger seat watching me pluck the hairs on my chinney chin chin, and listens to me moan that I am getting old and where did all these whiskers come from anyway.  What am I, a man?  Today was the best though.  We sat together in the pharmacy parking lot, and I made him hold the little box of just purchased fake nails.  "MOM!  This is SO embarrassing!" 

I didn't have a scissors to cut the top off the miniature super glue bottle so I bit it off.  Yes!  I BIT it off!  Maybe I'm still a bit feverish, but I can't say I recommend super gluing your tongue.  It's just weird.  Not really the feminine touch I was going for either. 

An hour in the shower and the wildebeest that thinks a lot of my legs is razed away.  That's a lot of hair, and right now, some of you are just grossing out!  EWWW!  I know!  The whole personal hygiene thing and home schooling aren't that great a match, I've noticed.  Probably everyone AROUND me has noticed, and, OH! What is that in my teeth?  I'm really getting over this beauty fixation.  Really.  All in one day.  Like waxing the uni brow, baby.

The best part is sitting across from Wendy-John.  Eating and talking and smiling like crazy.  (Still something caught in my teeth.)  Crying on the way home, her finger always going to the soft spot that must never have closed on the top of my head.  She reaches over in the darkened car for my hand, and I know that I am held, and I am loved, and I am safe. 

Despite the fact that I super glued my tongue to my teeth, and shamelessly plucked my chin hairs in a public parking lot.

All in a day's work,


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