Saturday, April 7, 2012

On Tombs

I sit in the chair on the eve of the most celebrated day in Christendom.
Resurrection Day.
A Stone Rolled Away.
One life Raised.
So we all could follow Him.

But I sit sad.
Because the Kind and Compassionate and I had it out tonight.
And because I keep failing and failing and failing.
Falling Mama.
Just sitting broken remembering him...
Rocking him to sleep singing his favorite song...
"Lay Down Your Burdens.  I Will Carry You."
Him sucking his thumb and reaching up to twist my hair.
Me trying to untangle him so I could hold his hand.
Him holding my face with those chubby fingers.

And I wonder that I can love a child so much.
And make him hurt the way I do.
And I don't know how to do this.
Can't.  Seem.  To.  Get.  It.  Right.
How do you raise a child without razoring his heart?
How do you help him to be strong while nourishing the tender heart that makes him precious?

On the night before victory.
I sit in a tomb all my own.

And wait for the SON to rise,



  1. It's coming with the sunrise:)

    Have a wonderful Resurection Sunday!!!!

  2. It tough being the parent at times. I usually just ask my kids 'what would you do, if you were me....making decisions that ar supposed to keep you safe..and let you grow?' How did our folks get it done??? A magical, mysterious question that we would love to be able to answer...and maybe duplicate. You are awesome...hang in there.
    Your lemmon pie guy....

  3. You are...the best. I love you, John.


  4. This is one of the things that drew me to you from the start--you laying out even the broken, sheared- off days. Praying for wisdom, grace, patience, strength, and especially courage in the hard days of mothering. Loving you tonight, Dear Friend.