Up early, feet hit the floor running.
Guzzle coffee, burning throat, and swallow meds and vitamins and the rush.
Short with the boy to get out of bed and hit it. I've got my agenda today.
Yell down the stairs at the Kitten to get up.
No back rub wake-ups today.
Start the laundry and go to the boy's bathroom for dirty towels.
Scrub their toilet, wash the counter, sink and mirror.
See my reflection.
Scowling.
I am monster mom.
Starting without the Word.
The whole day off kilter because I didn't trust Him with my time.
And now...
Everyone's lost here, and those check marks next to my to-do items seem.
Cheap.
Cheap because I made the Boy cry with all my barking.
And scared the Kitten to hide under a blanket.
What am I doing?
I thought we had this down now.
Done.
My face crumples repentance, and the mirror breaks my heart.
I am Israel going around that mountain.
And God is still God.
The Pillar in me.
The Strength.
The Redeemer of this mad heart.
The Holder of Time,
Bernadette
this is so refreshing – and so honest – and so poetic – and I'm smiling as I type this – thank you for that. "Like Israel around and around the mountain". We aren't the same without him – unless we clothe ourselves with him – were more like the world, you and I – all of us. I write my posts every morning predawn – I've got it down to one post on each blog every other day – so I'm down to seven posts a week – leaving me more time to read blogs I heart! I like writing only one post a day – and since they're pretty much all biblically based – that means I get to talk with our Lord as I write them. I heart that! I don't have little ones here – just Laska the Love Kitty – so it's a pretty special time(now that I'm not writing two posts a day – at the pace of 3 hours per post - that was a LOT of pressure). Anyway, bottom line is we are better when we begin and end with Him – that's my take away from your poem. I hope I got it right. Thank you. And God bless and keep you and each and every one of yours Bernadette.
ReplyDeleteCraig, I confess your comment made me cry. Thank you for lifting up the fallen down. And especially, thank you for your beautiful prayer. Smiling back at you. :)
ReplyDeleteBernadette
This? Real. Raw. And so very common to all of us. You are not alone--in the "monster" days and the off-kilter ways and the deep need for a fresh start every. single. day. Yes. Me, too. Thank you for transparency, for reminding that it's only Him Who holds us together and makes all our days orbit rightly. Praying for that fresh, clean start today--and the assurance that there's no changing His love for you, no matter the mistakes.
ReplyDelete